Pioneer Mother

I come from a family of Mormons, although perhaps somewhat unorthodox ones. Somewhere in England and what is today Romania, my father's ancestors heard man named Joseph Smith his vision God the Father His Son, Jesus Christ. They left Europe traveled with other devout Saints to Utah, settling Salt Lake City Vernal. Fast forward century or so father still practices Mormonism. I'm certain relationship Church must be far simple. He entered into fatherhood as teenager worked all life worthy daughters who called him “Dad.” don't talk about religion. All know that when he felt lost, not unlike Smith, prayed.Meanwhile, mother's lived Pennslyvania Italy, unaware that, after roughly two decades prayer quietly passing sacrament tray without partaking, mother would join Christ Latter-day Saints. uncertain how her Roman Catholic predecessors might feel conversion, but like think they have, at very least, respected desire follow God's will. My time was short. She died during freshman year college, too young appreciate personhood valued only motherhood. wish now could questions have. she loved God.I write this say Mormonism informed, continues inform, many life's decisions. “Mormonism” rather than longer, stuffier “Church Saints” because refer both faith tradition culture. Although converted neared end primary school, grew up attending church functions Activity Days, used Mormon vernacular “CTR,” learned history grandmother. We never read scriptures home, probably due part hesitancy accept Book word. As kid, upbringing proved more cultural religious.My religious education occurred on mission. surprised myself by serving—I always considered missions modern form imperialism. sure some continue argue missionary work imperialist, submitted call. When returned home mission Estonia, held deep love for uniqueness texts their divine. Upon returning university, changed major chemistry history. found fascinated Soviet Union fallout its dissolution—something witnessed while wearing black name tag.The study often filled painful topics. To peer darkest parts human nature—how why we choose harm others, engage conflict, oppressed suffer. Our failures humankind inform our present, past cannot, should not, forgotten.Somewhere university training, stumbled studies class. The idea an academic seemed odd—who cared?—but signed anyway. course fascinating challenging, placing stories conversation broader historical movements Christian primitivism Cold War. attempted confront contradictions experiment, am did master it. historian, thought impervious pain history, even own. A few years later, confronted art museum Cody, Wyoming.I took trip Cody see favorite companion “favorite companion” mean also companion. served together over eighteen-month service consider dear friend. lives Cody. had visited once before, graciously acted tour guide, ourselves inside Buffalo Bill Center West.The piece titled Pioneer Mother. saw plaster, original cast bronze. Some may find unremarkable—a middle-aged woman dressed modest clothes those trekked west, gazing straight ahead. first ever culture housed clinical walls museum—housed analyzed, appreciated, pondered. peered directly me, through time, conduit ancestors. More likely, sculptor envisioned women pushed westward intoxicated ideals Manifest Destiny crafted determination face. Art, however, remains open interpretation, and, signifies within Mother practice peace commitment strong it compelled cross continent.Later night, former attended Apsáalooke (Crow) presentation. “Give Natives land back,” presenter said. “This country founded genocide before word existed.”In folklore, envision Brother Brigham declared place!” lay empty, early Mormons refuge violence conflict. This folktale untrue. convinced Native American's ancient Lamanite ancestry, pioneers inhabited foreign belong them massacred Indigenous peoples. Was conscious which participated? Did guilty? Or justified under pretense divine ordination?Moreover, sought asylum then Mexican territory, herself American? An Englishwoman? German? Or, something entirely new—a Mormon? Her flight Mexico certainly indicates unable assimilate American life. contemporaries sister wives belief tales gold plates angels evidence decent woman.As descendant, inextricably tied identity. older become, gain awareness clumsy attempt comments recent New York Times article concerning women's usage sacred garments call community “cult” remind me welcomed everywhere.1 vitriol accosts TikTok dietary restrictions marriage reminds understood Americans, otherwise. experience American, want all.Mormonism simply faith—it culture, language, people. It nationality. pain. acutely irony seeking solace away hostile government institutional denies such queer Saints—pioneers present. agonize celebrate heritage acknowledging devastation symbolizesfor Americans. embarrassed irate white leaders denied Black siblings salvation, hatred toward children untenable, arrogantly labeled policy reversal “revelation.” mine, escape it.I means Mormon, grapple Mormonism's difficult legacy. hope radical roots sense community. Saints’ willingness defy conventional social norms sacrifice values gives can theologically embrace siblings. proto-feminism evinced female breathes glass ceiling suffocates will shatter. pray honor allow again heal sick speak tongues—leaders own right. Forgive us, Father, forgive Mother, transgressions.The lines between blur. nothing if complicated, hold close.